Direction

I went home to Washington to spend two weeks with my family and really had no intention of coming back to live and work, but I had never ruled it out, it was just not my first choice. God is a funny guy sometimes and knows just what we need and when. He put the people I needed to meet and in situations I needed to be in to make me realize I needed to come back to the Northwest to serve Him. I was filled with such and intense desire to stay that I would not have come back to Arkansas if I didn't have anything. For the first few days after coming to know His will it would nearly bring me to tears thinking about it. I don't know if it was just His presence, the excitement of finally having a direction or what but it was intense, exciting and a bit scary. I also realized, or more like God revealed it, during the second week, which was Music Camp, that my time at Harding and in Arkansas has been my wilderness/coming of age journey that every boy needs to go through on his way to becoming a man. After seven years my journey has finally come to an end and it is time to return home. I left a boy and return a man confirmed by the Most High. Praises be to the LORD my rock.

Idols

I have been reading Sidetracked in the Wilderness by Michel Wells again and I am in the part about idols. I really like his definition of an idol, which is anything we turn to other than God when we feel stressed, rejected, hurt, alone, attacked, etc. He also talks about how God will put oneself in situations were their idols will not work. The funny thing is I am experiencing it first hand as I write this. Some history first. It is pretty well know that I have never had a girlfriend and I have been really frustrated at times over it and it seems every time I'm interested in a girl she does not want that kind of relationship just adds to it. I have noticed in the past but never made the connection till just a few months ago while Sara B was in Greece that when I am feeling lonely or ignored/rejected by girls, especially from on I like, I almost with out fail turn to my idols of masturbation and looking at scantly clad pictures of women, not quite porno but close. I don't always give in to the temptation, but it happens enough. The thing I find annoying and it really gets on my nerves because I know it is Satan hitting me in my weakness is it does not take much for him to get in my ear whispering encouragement to go back to my idols. The triggers are little things like not returning a phone call, email, message or anytime I feel ignored/rejected. Satan is right there whispering go back to your idols they will make you feel good and you know what? They do, but that only lasts a short time and they will never meet this need in me, which only God can fill. God has been leading up to this realization over the past couple of weeks with the conversations I have had, what I have been asking for in prayer and with the book I am reading and I thank God for the sight to see these things in m life so that I can ask Him to change them and meet these needs in me. I also ask for those of you who read this to please pray for me that God will give me the sight to see when I am being tempted and to run to Him. To burn these idols out of my life and to fill this need in me.

Father, through the blood of your Son I come before you asking You to fill this need, teach me to run to You. Burn these idols out of me, Destroy them! Give me sight to see and run to you when tempted. Pour your spirit and strength on me. Meet this need in me. Christ name I pray.

Faith part 2

God spoke to me today through the lesson and several of the songs we sang today. Trust, trust, trust, was what I heard over and over. Trust and faith go hand in hand, trust being the hardest part for me, especially in a storm. Waiting on His timing at this moment in my life is beginning to get very difficult. I want and wish for certain things to happen and He says wait for my timing and then I go arg!!! I want it now(the song) playing in my head. That is where the struggle comes from, its between my selfish/false self and my true self in Christ. So, I walk by faith, not hiding any emotion from my King. Being sure to tell Him when I am frustrated, angry, excited, or whatever I am feeling and it strengthens me, because He sends a word, song, or something else to comfort me or reveal some truth I need to hear. You Gave Me a Promise and Wrapped in Your Arms by Fireflight is pretty much how I am feeling right now.

You Game Me a Promise
The waves are crashing down on me
But I know that this cannot be the end, be the end...
Right now I feel like copping out
Will You hold me up, if I just say
That I will stay

I will hold on to this hope that I have
You gave me a promise
You gave me a promise
I'll push through this moment, I'll never give up
You gave me a promise
You gave me a promise
I'm so tired that I can't stand

But I know that time will heal this heart, heal this heart...

With every door that's slamming shut
A new one's there to lead me where You are

You, You call out to me
You're just out of reach
But I'm closing in
I'm still going, still believing in Your word


Wrapped in Your Arms
Is this the whole picture
Or is it just the start?
Is this the way you love me?
You're capturing my heart
I used to try and walk alone
But I've begun to grow
And when you tell me just to rest
I'm finally letting go
I let go

And I'm here to stay
Nothing can separate us
And I know, I'm ok
You cradle me gently
Wrapped in your arms.... I'm home

I'm seeing so much clearer
Looking through your eyes
I could never find a safer place
Even if I tried
All the times I've needed you
You've never left my side
I'm clinging to your every word
Don't ever let me go
Don't let go

Faith

Walking by faith has been the scariest, yet most rewarding thing I have done in my life. It has been extremely stressful at times, making me want to run away from the situation and go the easy road. Taking the right path as opposed to the easy path has become a requirement for me. I'm not sure where I am going with this post, other than to say right now all I have is to walk by faith. I have to trust my King and know that doing His will for me must be my top priority. I don't know where I am going to get a job, nor when or what will happen tomorrow. I must trust my king. I really don't like the unknown, because I like structure and routine and walking by faith is practically the opposite. He tells us not to worry about what we will eat or where, because He will provide on His time and I guess that is what I am getting frustrated with. I have been waiting a long time for a specific thing and it is just getting to me right now. I am tired of waiting, DO YOU HEAR ME GOD?!?! I am tired. I need to hear from you.

Done

Well my collage career is just about to come to an end. I have my last final on Monday at 10:30 and then I am done. Its kind of surreal at the moment and is just beginning to sink in. I am done! I am really looking forward to not having school anymore and getting a real job. It is going to be a new and great adventure for this new phase of my life and I am ready for it.

Ripped Pants and Tractor Fun

Saturday, almost the whole house hold went to the lake house to do cleanup. We moved a lot of dead stuff and burnt it all up. I spent most of the time on the Kubota we borrowed and almost got a blister from driving with one hand, good times indeed. Anyway only two exciting things really happened. It also had rained almost the whole previous week so the ground was muddy in some places. The first one happened when I was going to go pull a pile of dirt over what had been a ditch and was not watching close enough and sunk the whole front end up to the frame in mud. I tried to back out but there was not enough wait on the back and I could not lift the front with the bucket so we had to get the Explorer and pull it out. The second one happend while Zach was drive and he was getting a bucket of dirt from the pile, which was getting pretty mud and sticky, as he was going to lift the bucket his left front tire sank and put the tractor on pretty much just that tire. If he would not of had the bucket it would have rolled. I jumped on the back it was just enough weight to get the rear wheels back down and he was then able to back out. It was exciting/scary, but what and adventure. I almost forgot about ripping my pants in all the excitement of writing about the tractor fun. We were loading eighty pound bags of cement into the bucket and I squated to lift one and back of my pants split, lol. Luckly it was after lunch and I had good underwear on. It was quite funny. ~Semper Fi

Fellowship of Men

Tonight group was a little different because three of the for leaders were gone. We sang and talked for a bit, then we broke up into smaller groups. In my group was Jordan, Branson, BK and I. It was like old times when we just had a guys group. We talked about a lot of personal stuff and I shared a lot about my relationship with my King. I can't believe how good it was, God is amazing. I needed that time and fellowship of men. We are probably going to be doing that for the rest of the semester since Ray is going to be gone. I have been missing the closeness and level of intimacy we had tonight. I have been craving it and trying to start a guys group has been on my mind again. I need to work on the M.U.G creed and get a finale draft to share with the guys. Maybe it will be the begining of a new adventure.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. ~Proverbs 27:17

So true, I can't tell you how refreshing it was to be the company of growing men in pursuit of the King. I am filled, recharged and ready for battle. Brothers prusue, seek out and fight for this intamacy with other men. Together we stand and are strong. Praise the KING!

About time for an update

I have been really busy with school and work, so I haven't taken the time to write in awhile. Last Thursday we had a huge storm come through with tons of rain, lightning and even the tornado sirens went off. Didn't have any tornadoes touch down and the closest one was in Little Rock. It caused some damage but not very bad. This whole past week we have had a ton of rain and several parts of the state are flooded. The road to George Town is flooded, so we can't go there. Hopefully we will be able to when Luke and Emily come down on the 19th. I am really looking forward to seeing him again. Yesterday, Erin and I went over to the Jackson's to help with the birthday party they were having, it was quite the affair. They had two big blow up play things, a petting zoo, football toss, duck bob, face painting, Erin was doing this, and pony rides, which I was doing. Heart did good for the most part, until right near the end when he started making angry faces and he even kicked once. I would walk two thirds of the way and then have him trot the last stretch, which everyone really enjoyed. I had a couple of girls comeback and ride quite a few more times. The boys didn't seem to interested in the rides and I only had a couple of them come for rides. It was a neat party with a ton of kids and I had a good time giving rides. When it was time for cake I put Heart up and about that time the other horses had come down for dinner, so I fed them and then I got the currie comb brushed on Jake, Pedro and Squirt for the next hour or so, probably was not that long but it felt like it. I have a test on Monday and Tuesday which have been studying for all weekend and I should do really well on them. Not much else going on for the time being and I am going to try and write more often. Take care.~Semper Fi

Horses Good for the Soul

Went out to the Jacksons today just to get away from the house and have some peace and quiet. It was just me, the horses and God. It was so quiet, peaceful and beautifully with some snow left over from yesterday. I really needed the alone time to think and be in nature. Just to rest in the beauty of my King. I am much better and ready to start school and work again. Nothing beats resting in the arms of the Creator. ~Semper Fi

Crazy Arkansas Weather

It is snowing in March in Arkansas?!?!?!?!?! The weather has been crazy over the past four days. Saturday it was 75, Sunny and beautiful. Sunday it started getting cloudy and a nice cold wind was kicking up. Monday it rained all day dropping about two inches. Today, Tuesday, it snowed?!?!?!

I took pictures of the snow and they are under the Montgomery album. I really enjoyed the thunderstorm yesterday and today it is beautiful outside. Thank you my King for the gifts.

Weekend Hikiing

Erin, Zach, Bethany and I went hiking at Petit Jean. It was beautiful out, almost to warm for pants. First we stopped at the top to eat lunch and look at the surrounding area. Then Zach and I, mostly me climbed around on the rocks before heading to the hiking trials. We hiked down to the waterfall and I got some neat pictures. Then we took the Canyon trail which wasn't all that interesting, though it did follow the creek almost the entire time. On our way out it was a work out. I'm used to going downhill on the way back, but here it was uphill the whole way back. ugh. My legs got tired and almost jello like. When we got back to the top we took the Bear cave trail, so we could go see the bear cave. The trail was alright, but the bear cave was just a whole in the side of the rock that was probably once a bear cave, really not impressive at all. I was bummed when I say what it was. I did take some pictures of it. Then we hiked back to the car and headed home, stopping at Sonic to get some drinks. On the way back the girls counted how many dead skunks they saw and it totaled about 25 or so. There were so many it was ridiculous. It was a really good, tiring trip we all thoroughly enjoyed. I'll have the new pictures posted in the petit jean ablum. That's all I feel like writing for now. ~Semper Fi

Pursued by the King

I find it amazing how God moves through things and uses them to draw me closer. I just got two albums by Jeremy Camp, Stay and Carried Me The Worship Project. Originally I was just going to get a song from each album, but I listened to a few on each cd and decided I had to buy the whole albums. Since then God has been speaking to me through several of the songs. I realized today the shuffle kept playing a couple of the songs over and over and mind you it was out of twenty seven songs. The words were things I needed to hear and it was God saying this is the path you must walk. My king has healed more wounds and filled needs I didn't know I still had. I have learned a lot about grace and how to apply it in my relationships. One gets an idea of what God must go though when we hurt/disappoint him, when a loved one does it to you. I now its only through grace, prayer and waiting on Lord that what has happened to me as only drawn me closer to my King. I have learned so much more about myself and I know I can endure much more as long as I cling to my King. I found I have much more grace and forgiveness then I thought I did.

These are the songs that I found especially directed towards me. You can click on the songs to see the lyrics.
Enough
I Wait For The Lord
Empty Me
I Surrender to You
Walk By Faith

I still find it hard to believe how perfect those two albums are and I know it was not coincidence I bought them when I did. My King is an amazing and wonderful friend. He knows just what to say and how to say it. He speaks to my heart like no one else. The journey I have been on over the last couple of weeks has been hard at times, but what I have gotten out of it has been more then worth the pain and tears. Praise to my King! I love you. ~Semper Fi

Relationships

Blessed is a man who endures trials, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that He has promised to those who love Him. ~James 1:12

That pretty much sums up this week. I have been dealing with a lot of varied and different emotions this week and it has been very challenging. I am not going to give details because pretty much all of it has to do with relationships and they are private matters, but I am going to share what I have learned/learning this week. I had a come to Jesus meeting yesterday in the woods and spent a couple of hours talking and listening to him on how to handle what is going on. He gave me the following passages by flipping the pages of my bible with the wind.

Hear my prayer, LORD; let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me; when I call, answer me quickly. ~Psalm 102:1-2

Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. ~Psalm 107. This part was repeated over and over through the whole psalm.

And the strangest one came out of Song of Songs 3:5b: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

It was what I needed to hear and it helped me focus and a get handle on what to do.

Here is what I know when dealing with relationships. God must be first and must be consulted in all matters, especially when it involves matters of the heart. Communication is a must and has to be open and honest. Failing to communicate and/or not listening will only cause harm to those involved. Do not force things or rush them, wait on the LORD's timing. Be patient. When you get hurt be a man and step up. NO running away. Running only makes things worse. I really did not want to deal with what is going on. It would be so much easier to write them off or run away then to step up and deal with it. Only through the grace of my king has it been handled in the way it has. That is all I have at the moment, if I think of anything else I will add to it. God be honored above all. ~Semper Fi

Weekend Details. Only a week later :P

Ok, so I finally got around to writing about the amazing weekend I had. Friday night Sarah got in after dinner. We had a loud welcoming with hugs and laughter. After a bit we all, Sarah, Erin, Zach, Bethany and BK, watched Mr Deeds. I had forgotten how funny that movie is and both Zach and I had some really good belly laughs. The girls laughed a lot to but mostly were like, why are we watching this?!? It was much fun.

Saturday morning Zach and I made breakfast. I made banana, cranberry and plain pancakes and Zach cooked some eggs. It was an enjoyable time of just visiting and sharing stories. About lunch time Sarah, Erin and I headed to the Alltel Arena in Little Rock to see the Lippizaner Stallions. I knew we had pretty good seats but when we got there we didn't see our row because they were all numbers and we were in row b, so we walked all the way down and asked the lady to help us. She looked at our ticket and said, "oh, your down on the floor." I was thinking to myself, "what?!?!" We ended up being about ten feet from the show floor. It was amazing, the horses were so beautiful. The show was great and really enjoyable. The only thing that sucked was our camera died just before intermission, crappy old rechargeable batteries. I figured, I would go out and get my camera, don't ask why I left it in the car. So I get to the door and it says no reentry, so I asked a ticket lady if I could still comeback in and she said, "if I want to by another ticket". I was annoyed to say the least and there was noway I was buying another ticket, stupid greedy people. The rest of the show was really neat and I did get some cool pictures that I will get posted soon. That night after dinner we played a couple of games. The first was paper telephone and oh man did we have some fun and major laughing, it makes me crack up just thinking about. Then we played dominoes till Alycia arrived around 11pm. We played dominoes to long, but we had fun and some funny things happened.

Sunday was SUPER BOWL Sunday!!! We, Alycia, Erin, Sarah, Zach and I, went to church in the morning and then came home and ate lunch and waited for the Super Bowl party to begin. A bunch of people showed up and they all crowded in the den with the big screen. I watched about the first quarter in the den and then ditched them to watch it in the living room with Sarah and Alycia. Much better company and we all sat on the same couch. The game was not all that exciting till the fourth quarter and then OMG!!! it turned into the best game I have seen in a long time. I was yelling and on edge and getting stressed out, because I wanted the Giants to win. Oh man it was great, couldn't have asked for a better game. We didn't do much else after the game and then I said goodbye to Sarah and Alycia because I had to go to class at 7:30am and they were not going to be up. All in all it was a great weekend.

I had forgotten how much I enjoy being around Sarah and Alycia. They are wonderful women of God. One thing I really enjoy when they are around is that they will pick on me and poke fun about me, very few girls I know do that, so that makes them extra special to me. It was so good to see them. Old friends are the best, you can just pick up where you left off and it doesn't seem as if time has passed at all. Thank you my king for such relationships. ~Semper Fi

Great weekend

This weekend is going to be so fun. First Sarah, Alycia and Amy are coming in to town. Second Sarah, Erin and I are going to see the world famous Lipizzaner Stallions on Saturday!!!! Third is Super Bowl Sunday! Going to be lots of fun and restful at the same time. I will post more details when I have them. Not much else happened in the last couple of weeks since my last post. It snowed on Thursday, but it didn't stick. :( Nice while it lasted though. Have two tests coming up next week and the week after. Last weekend, Zach, Matt and I went an saw Rambo. It was a good action movie and ended the Rambo series perfectly. I also went riding two weekends ago, about froze to death on the way back. I am also trying to begin running regularly, but I gotta get some better shoes or I am going to kill my knees. I got a playable version of tic tac toe up and ready for download at www.rabiddesignstudios.com Go check it out. I am done for now. ~Semper Fi

Made it through the first week.

I just finished my first week of school and work. Getting up at 6am everyday wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, made the week longer but oh well. My last two classes are going to be fun, especially discrete math. The teacher is funny in a nerdy/geeky way. Sara B left for Greece on Tuesday and made it there safe and sound. I miss her. I am not sure how bible study at the house is going to go or if I am even going to go here this semester. My king will give me direction though, which I trust. Not much else is going on. Work has been busy and pretty much the same. I have been programming a lot again. Been working on tic tac toe and should have a playable version soon and available for download from www.rabiddesignstudios.com Anyway, I am getting hungry for breakfast, so till next time. ~Semper Fi

Living Well

I just got back from Christmas break at my parent's house. It was a good time and relaxing for me. I got to just hang out at the house and play video games mostly. I also moved wood and trimmed our horses hooves and I got to learn how to install a wood floor, which was a good time working with my dad. I did go see a couple of movies, I am Legend and AVP R, both were good. My dad, brother and I watched the whole Band of Brothers series together, which is a must see. It was really good to see the parents and grandparents and especially my brother. Finally got to see our dogs, Chester and Tessa or how my dad refers to them as Stinky and Dinky or Mut and Jeff. Any i am keeping this short on purpose and I plan to write more often in the coming weeks. ~Semper Fi