Idols

I have been reading Sidetracked in the Wilderness by Michel Wells again and I am in the part about idols. I really like his definition of an idol, which is anything we turn to other than God when we feel stressed, rejected, hurt, alone, attacked, etc. He also talks about how God will put oneself in situations were their idols will not work. The funny thing is I am experiencing it first hand as I write this. Some history first. It is pretty well know that I have never had a girlfriend and I have been really frustrated at times over it and it seems every time I'm interested in a girl she does not want that kind of relationship just adds to it. I have noticed in the past but never made the connection till just a few months ago while Sara B was in Greece that when I am feeling lonely or ignored/rejected by girls, especially from on I like, I almost with out fail turn to my idols of masturbation and looking at scantly clad pictures of women, not quite porno but close. I don't always give in to the temptation, but it happens enough. The thing I find annoying and it really gets on my nerves because I know it is Satan hitting me in my weakness is it does not take much for him to get in my ear whispering encouragement to go back to my idols. The triggers are little things like not returning a phone call, email, message or anytime I feel ignored/rejected. Satan is right there whispering go back to your idols they will make you feel good and you know what? They do, but that only lasts a short time and they will never meet this need in me, which only God can fill. God has been leading up to this realization over the past couple of weeks with the conversations I have had, what I have been asking for in prayer and with the book I am reading and I thank God for the sight to see these things in m life so that I can ask Him to change them and meet these needs in me. I also ask for those of you who read this to please pray for me that God will give me the sight to see when I am being tempted and to run to Him. To burn these idols out of my life and to fill this need in me.

Father, through the blood of your Son I come before you asking You to fill this need, teach me to run to You. Burn these idols out of me, Destroy them! Give me sight to see and run to you when tempted. Pour your spirit and strength on me. Meet this need in me. Christ name I pray.

Faith part 2

God spoke to me today through the lesson and several of the songs we sang today. Trust, trust, trust, was what I heard over and over. Trust and faith go hand in hand, trust being the hardest part for me, especially in a storm. Waiting on His timing at this moment in my life is beginning to get very difficult. I want and wish for certain things to happen and He says wait for my timing and then I go arg!!! I want it now(the song) playing in my head. That is where the struggle comes from, its between my selfish/false self and my true self in Christ. So, I walk by faith, not hiding any emotion from my King. Being sure to tell Him when I am frustrated, angry, excited, or whatever I am feeling and it strengthens me, because He sends a word, song, or something else to comfort me or reveal some truth I need to hear. You Gave Me a Promise and Wrapped in Your Arms by Fireflight is pretty much how I am feeling right now.

You Game Me a Promise
The waves are crashing down on me
But I know that this cannot be the end, be the end...
Right now I feel like copping out
Will You hold me up, if I just say
That I will stay

I will hold on to this hope that I have
You gave me a promise
You gave me a promise
I'll push through this moment, I'll never give up
You gave me a promise
You gave me a promise
I'm so tired that I can't stand

But I know that time will heal this heart, heal this heart...

With every door that's slamming shut
A new one's there to lead me where You are

You, You call out to me
You're just out of reach
But I'm closing in
I'm still going, still believing in Your word


Wrapped in Your Arms
Is this the whole picture
Or is it just the start?
Is this the way you love me?
You're capturing my heart
I used to try and walk alone
But I've begun to grow
And when you tell me just to rest
I'm finally letting go
I let go

And I'm here to stay
Nothing can separate us
And I know, I'm ok
You cradle me gently
Wrapped in your arms.... I'm home

I'm seeing so much clearer
Looking through your eyes
I could never find a safer place
Even if I tried
All the times I've needed you
You've never left my side
I'm clinging to your every word
Don't ever let me go
Don't let go